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October is Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness mon

October is Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness month. I guarantee that someone close to you has experienced a loss. 1 in 4 pregnancies end in either a pregnancy or infant loss.

I lost my twin girls at 19 weeks 4 days. It’s been two months since we said goodbye and my heart is still irrevocably broken. The loss of a child is an unimaginable pain, no matter the gestation or age.

This month my heart goes out to all parents who have unwillingly joined this very sad club. There is comfort in knowing we are not alone on this journey. Our hearts will never fully heal knowing the children we love are in heaven…. But at least we got to love them and there will be brighter days ahead.

Remember the babies born sleeping.
The babies we carry but never hold.
The babies we hold but don’t get to take home.
The babies who come home but cannot stay.
We remember them this month and every single day.

Break out the slow cookers and dutch ovens because

Break out the slow cookers and dutch ovens because soup season is here 🥰🍜😍🥫🥣

Happy first day of fall 🍁🍂🍁🍂🍁

Happy first day of fall 🍁🍂🍁🍂🍁

Caught this beautiful moment today as I was headed

Caught this beautiful moment today as I was headed out the door and it stopped me in my tracks. Harmonious nature at its finest. A simple moment of beauty.

Each day I have been challenging myself to find a moment of beauty and joy so I don’t spend the whole day focusing on how tough this season has been. Every day has something lovely in it. Even the days where I feel like the grief and anger over the loss and of my children have consumed me, there is always at least one thing that will make me smile.

Grief is a weird journey…. But even on the hardest days, I’m going to keep finding simple joys and beauty. And I have faith that someday, things will get easier.

Fall vibes 🍁🍂🍁🍂 (I’m just ignoring

Fall vibes 🍁🍂🍁🍂

(I’m just ignoring the fact that it’s still 80+ degrees outside 😂😂)

Harvest. Preserving. Stocking the pantry.

That’s what most think of when they think of canning. It’s what I thought of canning too… up until the last month.

The day we got home from the hospital after delivering our twin girls and saying goodbye to them, there was a pile of cucumbers from our garden on the counter and more in the garden ready to harvest. We had worked so hard on our garden this year and the idea of letting those vegetables go to waste did not sit well with us. So after a day or two, we pulled out the ball canning guide and pickle mix, sterilized the jars and made several pints of pickles. We did it all together- my husband and I, working in the kitchen, laughing over the spilled pickle juice, talking while we chopped cucumbers, enjoying the fruits of our labors when we looked at our freshly sealed jars. It was a happy moment in our storm of sadness. So we did more. We went to a produce stand the next weekend and got a bushel of tomatoes and canned those too. The next weekend, we attempted apples. And more tomatoes.

Canning is something we planned on doing before our tragedy. It’s something some people probably thought we were crazy for doing days after our babies died. But somehow, it has been therapeutic. Something we can do together. Time to talk and laugh and connect over cutting boards and bowls of veggies. Distracting our brains with learning a new skill instead of thinking constantly about our loss. Moments of pride as we survey our work and our food for winter. A sense of accomplishment even on days where our hearts are hurting. A simple thing- preserving food- but it is so much more to us right now.

We hear the phrase “find joy in the simple things” often, especially in the farming and homesteading community. But we actually are finding joy in the simple things during a emotional storm of grief and loss. And there is so much beauty in that.

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